I’m not one to write about my personal life too much on my blog because I know that it’s not everyone’s cup of tea and I wanted my blog to be for everyone but with a touch of my personal life here and there but not too much. But I think this topic is quite interesting because a lot of us out there are dealing with long distance between us and our significant other.
We got together after he went to the UK and if I hadn’t loved him as much as I do, I would have easily decided that that was the stupidest decision I had ever made in my life. Long distance relationship is not for everyone. If you think you can’t commit and sacrifice for them, then you are better off with someone living close to you.
You don’t know how many times I wanted to give up because I couldn’t stand the distance and his I’m-busy-I-don’t-have-time dramas. We fought a lot of times to the point where I blocked him everywhere including emails. Yes, who would have thought to block someone on email but apparently I did. What I did was childish — I know that already — but he was pissing me off and my temper is the baddest side of me that if I could, I wouldn’t want to show it to anyone. Guys and gals, we are different.
Gals can multitask because we are awesome. We can handle multitasking and having our concentration divided into how many things we are doing at that time. But guys, gosh, they don’t even listen to us talking to them when they’re watching TV. That’s how bad their multitasking skills is. And my boyfriend is one of the guys who can’t multitask. I still think he’s perfect — don’t get me wrong — but his multitasking or lack thereof is one of the reasons why we fight a lot.
With the distance, you can’t see them as much as you want to and what more can you ask from them if not their time and attention? Studying abroad is no joke especially when you’re under a scholarship and you have to excel in every exam so I know that he’s struggling hard to get through classes and countless of projects. But hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Hell hath not fury like a pissed off woman who needs her long-distance boyfriend’s attention.
Maybe you’d think that I’m not an understanding person but come on, I’m already losing so much sleep with the 8 hour difference. All I need is attention or FaceTime calls and I’d be happy for the next few weeks (or days). Thank goodness I will only have to do this for one more year.
Try to be understanding
To be honest, this wasn’t my first long distance relationship. I dated someone studying in the Middle East (that’s a story for another day — full of betrayal and lies) a few years back and my ex gave me attention every single day without my having to ask for it. But all guys are different from each other and my mistake was thinking that my boyfriend would treat me like my ex did. Both of them are two very different people and I shouldn’t generalise them.
So I tried and tried to be understanding. I tried to rationalise it in my head that he has stuff that he has to do first before he can spend time with me. It took me quite a few months and countless fights to deal with it and safe to say that I’m getting better at it now. I’m not used to not getting things done my way and somehow he taught me to be patient and make me understand that I can’t be selfish. Mutual understanding is very important. You need to understand them and they need to do the same for you too.
Communication is important
Out of sight, out of mind. Out of mind, out of heart. These two simple sentences should be enough to show that communication is important in any relationships. When you don’t communicate, even the strongest relationship in the world couldn’t withstand through rain and storms.
Fights and misunderstandings cannot be solved by simply ignoring them for days. You gotta take time to calm yourself and after all the madness and rage have gone away, you can start talking about the problems like two normal and rational people. Don’t make hasty decisions that you don’t mean just because you’re mad. Trust me, I did that a lot and I regret it.
Give each other some space
As if 6000 miles in between isn’t enough space, we have to give each other spaces to live our life and do our own stuff. Sometimes when you’ve been in contact with each other for too much you will feel a little bit overwhelmed. There’s so much more to life than to be devoting your life to your partner especially when you’re not yet married. Take the time apart as an opportunity for you to grow and be what you want to be and achieve what you want to achieve in life.
I think these 3 points are what you need to focus more in maintaining a long distance relationship. We are in no way perfect and it took us months and months to sort it all out and we did it eventually. And oh, one more friendly advice from me:
Suck it up. Suck it all up. Missing someone so much is already bad, but nothing can beat the longing and knowing you can’t do anything about it. I cope with the distance and longing by imagining that my boyfriend is at home, sleeping, or going out with friends, or anything else he always does when he’s home. It’s not a healthy mindset but hey, it worked. And I desperately need it to work for 12 more months.